Sip or Swim

If God was an ocean, religion would be the teacup we drink from on the shore till we are brave enough to dive into the waves.  

Bleeding

Days gone

Friends drifted

Longing to for the love

to be taken and kept 

to heal not hurt

Anonymity is what I wanted

Invisibility is what I have

Hiding under a cloak

till even my form

is gone

far away

was it the rhythm of the road 
or the sad folk song playing soft
but I miss the ones I forget to love
miles away lives spin and wind
to their end
out of my sight, back of  my mind
buried deep in a wandering heart

memories flood my mind of happy
times on sunny mountain peaks
smiles, sighs, campfire lights
before the big break came
before i got used to living without 
having all I loved so near.

No Place

no place to lay my head

that’s what the man once said

i thought he meant a home and hearth

but now I see he meant his lonely heart

that no one could see or understand

but wanted only to touch his hand

to take what they want or need

without wanting to really see 

that he came for deeper things

than bread and crowns of gold

but dying for all but all alone.

Strong

comes from being alone

and ensures you remain so

no need for anyone to help

protect you from yourself

or others who may lurk

in the dark behind the shadows

where secrets are forgotten

but kept

where are the strong arms with loving heart

that protect without control

guide but don’t expect

so much in return

for love

needs never met hidden deep

so no one can see me weep

for what I never had

or will

A Nobody for Somebody

my life might be short

might end tomorrow or worse

why would I waste it on stupid shit

like hgtv living, big houses and cars

walk-in closets for all you can’t fit

since last year or wash in a month

after you let it pile up 

Why strive for the beauty that will shrivel in a blink

Why work like a slave so you can stay a slave

to your appetites and slow suicides of food, lust, and drink?

You brag that you’re free but you surely are not

You are bound by the lie and your riches will rot.

You all strive to be somebody everyone sees

the best and the brightest living in ease

But please let me be

a nobody with nothing

who pours out a life

for somebody

who needs.

Disappear

Want to be nobody. silent. still.

Without words who would I be

who would see

who is me

If I let it all stop, disappear, logging off

to live the life my grandmother knew

before we all got trapped in a box

of screens lines pictures and those

who think they know us but don’t

want to know them but won’t.

Where do I exist but for the ones

standing in front of my eyes

in 3D color that skips and runs?

If I go away quickly to breathe

like born alive new with eyes wide

and leave what I made out of me

to be real again - whole again

content in the me

invisible.

when we were children

we could be friends

sharing heart to heart

dream and story

with no strings or walls

like siblings from one mother.

hand in hand we walked together

teased and mocked but innocent

in love free from eros other eyes saw.

no jealousy or vows

no have and to hold

just companions sharing life

down a mountain dirt road.

we exchanged this love

for the driving call of nature

where duty binds and

love is blind, till death we are dying.

you can’t be my brother

we don’t share a mother.

you can’t be my lover

because i don’t want another.

someday when we walk like children

with the angels in heaven

love will again be free

perfect and equal in measure

between those we love by law

and those we’ve loved

forever.

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough of romantic love
I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle, a miracle drug, a miracle drug - U2

Soul Hunger

I don’t even know

what the craving is for

but it hurts and it haunts

till I can’t take any more.

I wait and I wonder at the signs

and the whispers

the longings and pictures

and what my heart hears.

Something big or something small

i don’t care at all

just let it be something

not an illusion 

or delusion.

My heart knows its home

yet it seeks a substitute

easier to see but farther

away from real.

I need an anchor before I drift

into madness

the pain is too great to leave me 

like this.

Let me know what’s real

Let me know it’s You

Forgive me of my doubt

And fill me with You.

Light Eyes

if you knew how rare you are

you wouldn’t be anymore

the innocence that cloaks

your words and heart from hate

would see it and change your face

such a delicate creature

so beautiful and kind

a drop of dew on leaf 

protected under a wing 

from the sun and wind 

that evaporate us all in the end

I pray you never waver or fall

where mortals usually trip

so I even keep these words

alone where they won’t tempt

the hearts deep rivers that

flow beyond the borders of

what we can’t control.

word dagger

you say you didn’t mean it

but the blade already sliced

the heart in my soul

blood dripping on the knife

you say you are sorry

still a wound fresh and raw

on top of an old deeper one

now both bleed red and rot

together worse than ever

but you didn’t mean

what you said you thought

you want me to forgive

and that is my duty true

but who will sew me up 

and heal the stinking wound

someone once forgave

before the hammer hit the nail

I don’t know how that works

my heart doesn’t want to give

the same grace to you 

as the one who let me live

but i know i will and i know i must

but getting harder now to trust

Up

Wake up in the dark
Silence without breath
Motionless in the still
Waiting

Black runs blue grey
Source unseen
Wakens all the singers
On cue
Without the bell that
Pulls my mind
From dream

All the people in boxes
Don’t hear a note
Of the song
God wrote
Announcing each summer day
A call to hope believe
In life and love

mid

pursue passion and it lies
spending you empty and wanting
nothing left that’s true
even what your eyes like
your heart rejects as illusion

prisons have bars sometimes
not steel and iron but
harder to open when no
one can see through to
who they thought was me

ran a race in four directions
till standing still where time
speeds on to say I been all
over but but never in
the place to stay

endless possibilities lead
to impossible futility
one dies old but never knew
when was enough to be
but we imitate the industry

letting go of hanging on to
pictures melting together
of all past future dream
legend vision desire scheme
to run with rain to the sea

i

wanted to be friends and share life both ways

but your i was too big for my taste so say

what you want but you see no one else now

but your own fat words in your own i mouth.

do you ever hear the pain in another voice

or see a hand or foot that needs a hoist

up to the place where it can find a grip

or do you i them down and watch the trip

i try to breathe and accept how others be

because you are you and you can’t be me

but sometimes my i makes me sick inside

because it hates the way your i is pride

……and so is mine

Copyright 2012 Anonymous Adipose

corner

you painted into a corner

defined by where you’ve been

can’t hide a single stroke

white-washed all your friends

will you wait for paint to dry

change the color of your room

or sit there and start to cry

about the life you want too soon

Some tall most are small

what does it matter in the end

we love and hate too often all

those we fear will do us in

in the end

Copyright 2012 Anonymous Adipose